Whenever I sit down and watch a movie, there are always two things that I can’t help but do. One; quote along with almost every single line if I know it (Especially Pirates of the Caribbean), and two; laughingly point out every single major plot hole I can find, and given that I’ve seen my fair share of movies and I’m a little bit addicted to browsing IMDB, this can amount to be quite a lot of plot holes. Some are glaringly obvious, and some you have to go through the movie with a fine-toothed comb to find. So that’s what I did.
I have a LOT of time on my hands, okay?
During the now-infamous scene where the Tyrannosaurus Rex escapes, it claws open the fence – despite having tiny little arms – and walks through the opening; however, when Dr. Grant and Lex climb through the same spot in the fence to find Tim, there’s a huge drop (large enough for a Jeep to fall past them and wedge itself into a tree that Dr. Grant then climbs to rescue Tim) on the other side. The drop that Dr. Grant and the kids scale down would have made the fence too tall for the T-Rex to reach or even see, let alone climb up. Can you imagine him trying to scramble his way up that sheer wall with his little arms….too funny. Moving on!
The Shawshank Redemption
After Andy Dufresne made his daring escape from Shawshank Prison, through the ingeniously-carved tunnel concealed behind his poster, people everywhere were asking themselves; who put the poster back up? The tunnel itself was only discovered thanks to the Warden’s lucky shot with a chess piece, but who actually managed to replace it? Of course, it’s always plausible that Andy simply attached the poster to the wall via the top and let it fall down into place naturally, but it’s always fun to imagine he had inside help.
I’ll be brutally honest here – I love Transformers. Toys, cartoons, movies, whatever, if it even mentions the word Autobot I’ll more than likely have a peep at it. Sadly, where Michael Bay’s live-action adaptations are concerned, there’s a lot to answer for. The first one was good. Revenge Of The Fallen was terrible. Dark Of The Moon was less bad, but still not great. Age of Extinction was the worst of a bad bunch. And all of them, particularly the first one, are rife with inaccuracies. For instance, Barricade, who uses his disguise as a police car to infiltrate human society and find clues to the Allspark’s location for his Decepticon homeboys, disappears completely halfway through the film. We’re treated to a sequence which shows the Decepticons rolling out to take on the Autobots, and afterwards, Barricade just vanishes and we don’t see him again until the end of Dark Of The Moon, when he murders Wheeljack – I REFUSE to call him Que, which Michael Bay christened him in homage to James Bond – and promptly gets his head blown off by Bumblebee. Where was he for the last two and a half movies, and the estimated four or five years that spanned those movies? Serving and protecting as Officer Jackson’s personal vehicle? Not bloody likely!
And another thing; The Allspark is a mystically powerful object that turns everyday machinery into Transformers. But each time we do see this happen – a Nokia, a vending machine and the steering wheel from a 4×4 being the examples – the newborn Transformers immediately go on a murderous rampage, which suggests that being evil is in the Transformers’ nature. So does this make Optimus Prime and the Autobots some sort of weird bunch of robot hippies? And if Transformers just want to kill people, why would we as humans help them? This is not the Transformers I was brought up on. Not cool, Micheal Bay, not cool.
Amidst all the utter crap that Adam Sandler keeps coming up with to try and refresh his slowly but surely floundering career as a comedic actor, The Hangover was a rare gem when it came out, even if the sequels didn’t live up to it. But as funny as The Hangover was – finding the baby in the closet gets me every time – there is one huge and serious flaw in the storyline that must have had medical professionals shaking their heads when they saw it first. And no, it isn’t Stu pulling out his own tooth. He was a dentist, so technically he was allowed do that. It’s the fact that Doug, the missing groom, who, as it transpired, spent nearly two full days on the roof of Caesar’s Palace, JUST SAT THERE. I know he was in the horrors after what seemed to be the best stag night ever, but I remained somewhat skeptical about his chances of survival in an exposed space in 40-odd degree sunlight with no shade or water. Dehydration at the very least should have left him a gibbering, hallucinating wreck, if not a DEAD wreck. But the only problem he seems to have suffered is a spot of sunburn. Hmm.
Raiders Of The Lost Ark
Who doesn’t love the Indiana Jones movies? They’re a solid staple for Christmas time, when you sit on the couch with the tin of chocolates, full to bursting with turkey and ham, blaring the sound of the tv and singing along to the infamous theme tune to drown out your aul lad’s drunken singing or the sound of your granny complaining about whatever it is old people are complaining about nowadays. And for me, Raiders Of The Lost Ark was the best of the bunch. Yes, Temple Of Doom had crocodiles and The Last Crusade had Sean Connery, but I never get tired of watching that boulder chase. However, while Indy is everyone’s favourite archaeologist, he did one small niggly teeny-tiny little thing that, while seeming good at the time, turned out to be a bit of a boo-boo. By getting involved with the Nazis and trying to find the Ark Of The Covenant, he sets in motion a chain of situations that SAVES HITLER’S LIFE. Belloq would have eventually uncovered the location of the Well of Souls (he was after all a good archaeologist, if a little misguided) and sent the Ark back to Berlin. Which is where old Adolf would have opened it and gotten his face melted by the Angels of Death. Of course, there’s a good chance that Belloq would still have opened it pre-Hitler anyway, and thanks to Indy being there, the Ark was prevented from being unleashed on the world (and put into storage instead). So maybe Indy isn’t a friend of the Third Reich after all. Ah well.
Beauty And The Beast
Jesus, a few of my Disney-loving friends would kill me for this….So it’s clearly stated in Beauty And The Beast that the Beast is 21. Lumiere also says they’ve been cursed for 10 years. Which means that the poor orphan Prince was only an 11-year-old kid when that witch dresses up like a hobo, barged her way into his home, and then got annoyed when he was rude to her – and decided to destroy his life in the process. It also begs the question, why is there a painting of the adult Prince hanging on the wall? How is that even possible, even for Disney??
The Iron Giant
The Iron Giant is easily one of the most under-appreciated animated movies of all time For those of you who haven’t see it, think E.T meets Godzilla meets Iron Man. It’s a work of genius, and should be required viewing for everybody. It’s heart-warming and beautiful, and a real ode to the power of friendship. However, that doesn’t excuse it from the fact that poor Hogarth is most likely given a cruel death sentence by the army general at the end of the film. The Iron Giant sacrifices himself by flying straight at a nuclear bomb, colliding with it and stopping it from destroying the town, and the resulting explosion scatters his various bits and bobs everywhere. General Rogard – who clearly didn’t pay attention in physics as a kid – then gives Hogarth the only bit they recovered – a small bolt from the Giant’s jaw. Which has recently been bathed in deadly radiation. Hogarth was nine. NINE.
Well, there y’go. There really are too many plotholes out there to list, and I really wish I could have included The Dark Knight Rises here, but if you’ve got a film with a gaping hole in the story, leave in in the comments!