I don’t think I’m alone in saying that in my most childish of moments, I’ve often imagined what life would be like if we were to live in the Pokémon world. While the inner kid in my brain went wild at the thought of walking around the countryside with a Houndoom beside me, the more grown-up and logical side of me had to, of course, find a few flaws in this little fantasy of mine….
1) The rodent problem
Each region always has a two-stage, small-sized Normal-type available as one of the earliest Pokémon to catch in the game, and almost all of these are based on rodents, prime examples being Rattata and Patrat. Seriously, with the amount of tall grass in this universe, you’d be hard-pressed to walk three paces without one of those little monsters jumping out at you! And it doesn’t help that most of that group of Pokémon, with the exception of one or two that can be used as decent HM slaves, are next-to-useless.
2) Professor Scumbag
Seriously, what kind of respected academic with decades of experience in his field picks a random ten-year-old (who really should be in school) and sends them off into the big, bad world, to face of against criminal organisations, powerful monsters and almost no knowledge of how to survive on their own? Not to mention he can’t even remember his grandson’s name…
3) Mammy never loved me!
Imagine living in a world where as a child, you told your mum you were leaving the house to catch as many as you could of the deadliest creatures known to man, including a rat that can conduct electricity and a steel-plated praying mantis and your mam was like, ‘Ah grand so, have fun, honey! Oh… here take these running shoes.’
Running shoes!?!? That’s it? Cheers, Ma – I’ll need those running shoes when I’m running for my life because there’s a Rhydon chasing me and I might die! I love you.
4) Bikes cost the same as a decent-sized house
1 Million Pokédollars for a bicycle!? Are you having a laugh? If a bike costs a million quid… I guess I’ll just never be able to afford rent in the world of Pokemon. Where is anyone supposed to make the kind of money it takes to survive in this corrupt world of inexplicable inflation? Joining Team Rocket isn’t sounding like too bad of an idea right about now….
Can you think of a reason not to wake up one morning in Pallet Town with your faithful Squirtle beside you? Leave it in the comments!